Friday, August 24, 2012

Spending Time

Time is a resource. Because it surrounds us, we often don’t see it as a scarce resource…but it is.  Most of us don’t think about the fact that our days are literally numbered or that life, by definition, is a terminal condition.  And that unawareness is healthy. If we walked around thinking of “the end” all the time we would be a woebegone species, incapable of enjoying all the little beginnings around us every day.


Still, the idea that time is valuable is a good awareness to have every once in a while. I was sitting in my cube daydreaming about Evangeline the other day, wondering where this first crazy year went.  It hit me like a gut punch when I realized in that moment that there were a thousand moments with her that weren’t coming back to me. No matter how I tried to cram in memories on the weekends, spending 8-12 hours in my cube and 2 hours on the road 5 days a week was a lot of time I was missing. It made me sad but what could I do? Like the song says “I got bills to pay, I got mouths to feed. Aint’ nothin’ in this world for free.”


As most of you know, my wonderful husband is now teaching Geometry and Algebra II at a Northside Highschool in Jacksonville.  We were enjoying the idea of becoming *gulp* middle class again.  Two nice incomes means no more standing in line at the grocery store hoping the card goes through. (although….I will kinda miss that gameshow feeling as you smile and cross your fingers while mentally chanting “Big Money!  Come on! Big Money!”  Some of you know what I’m talking about) lol


Anyway, as we were getting Evangeline set up at her new PT we became aware that she can still receive her CMS healthcare on his salary. We thought his higher salary would disqualify her but it turns out he’s right under the cap- but add my salary in and it’s too much.  Which got me thinking.  Could we put up with another year of living poor so I can have a year of time with my daughter?  It wasn’t an easy choice, but after talking, prayer and waiting for a peace…. we decided to do it.  This next year, I get to relearn her schedule, watch her grow, work on my book project and just be a mom.  After that its “back to reality” but this year, this precious year, is a gift beyond value to me- worth more than a million bucks.  My husband and my family are giving me the best thing ever.  They are giving me TIME.  Thank you all.  I put my notice in last week. My last day is the 31st.  Pray for me.  I’m very nervous about mom-ing full time.  Especially because amid the baby activities, I want to make sure I set aside time each week to really throw myself into the “expecting spina bifida” project that has become so close to my heart.    I am excited and determined not to waste a drop of a second of this magical time in my life.