You know its a good appointment when your doctor gives you a High Five in the middle of the ultrasound. No hydrocephalus was seen! So that is awesome news which we hope continues. Her legs are busy. (In fact those are her legs folded up by her face in the image). So that's awesome too! We still don't have any more information about the placement of her lesion than we had before, but as far as can be seen now, she has no club feet or scoliosis-both of which frequently accompany spina bifida. Her chiari is still there, but her head measurements are only two weeks behind her body now, when it was 3 weeks behind last month...so I suppose that's improvement too. (Again her head isn't REALLY smaller, it just measures that way because of the change in shape...but no worries...her head will look normal at birth. I won't actually be shaped like a lemon. lol) She is small overall though, weighing in at 1lb 5oz and measuring 22 weeks instead of 24 weeks, but she's still well in normal range- she's just petite. ( Ha! with a 5'10"inch mom and a 6' 5" dad, that'll probably be the LAST time anybody calls her petite!) I also figure I should probably lay off the caffeine and try to eat more to help her fatten up and grow! :)
All in all, yesterday was awesome. It did bring one thing into full-on comprehension though for both me and BJ. The next few years of our life will be governed by these "wait-and-see-what's-next" appointments. And thoughts like "well, its good now, but what will next month bring?". Will be a constant temptation. While we hope to hear the best each time, odds are there will be days we get news we are less than fond of. We already know what that feels like... and let me tell you its so much worse than the time the neighborhood bully punched me in the nose. Unprepared, it knocks the wind right out of you and leaves you confused about everything from what emotion you are feeling, to how you get back up off the ground... to what action you take when you finally are one your feet again. So, this desire for "readiness"results in an emotional balancing act to keep yourself prepared each time for what they could tell you on "the next apt. day" and keeping yourself optimistic and sane on every other day in between.
That's why life and faith are journeys. Evenagline's "issue" forces us to see this clearly but it has ALWAYS been true. There is never ONE FINAL ANSWER, or one moment where we can breathe easily, fully confident that everything is going to be happily every after. Each choice we make and each thought we entertain influences the next. Even so, we cannot predict or control the future. Doo doo happens. Even the Bible tells us so. It says in Psalms 34:19 that "a righteous man will have many troubles" in his life. Belief in a Higher Power does not exempt us from life's problems. We live in a fallen world. But that same verse goes on to say,"and the Lord will deliver him from THEM ALL." This doesn't mean always an instant zap of our issue while we dance gleefully in its dust. Sometimes this means a day-by-day holding of our hand as we jump through the next hoop or wait for the next bit of news. Sometimes it means enjoying the little victories while waiting on the bigger victory that lies just around the corner. And that victory will come. Maybe not when we want, or how we envision... but it is our promise. We have to fully place trust in "Him who set the sun ablaze" that He will fulfill his word and be with us always "even unto the end of the age"
Bj and I both want our friends and family to know that when you ask us for updates, they may not always be a cheerful as the one I am blessed to give you today. HOWEVER, do not ever be sad that you asked us "How things are going". You are all our biggest blessing as we go through this daily walk...and we know that one day's bad news does NOT make everything we believe for come crashing down, any more than one day's good news means our promise has been fulfilled. We are waiting. And news is what news is. But knowing that each of you is there as this unfolds makes our lives richer. Sometimes in life you need people who, like you, don't have the answer but are willing to sit with you and smile and laugh anyway. Like that group of redneck boys you can pass any given day on HWY 17 after a good rain. Truck stuck in mud up to the axel, a group of fellows standing around in a circle. Not a one sober enough to figure out what to do, but all of them nodding solemnly, "Yup. That's stuck alright". Sometimes just having company makes the day seem brighter. So I just want to thank everybody who takes the time to proverbially come "mudding" with me. You are friends that stick closer than brothers. May God Bless You All Richly!!!