Dedication

I know that some people say that talking to God is fine- Its when He starts talking back that you need to schedule a cat scan. Personally, I do believe God speaks to us. In all kinds of ways.  For me, one of those ways is what I call "God thoughts". They are random ideas that pop into my head when I am doing/thinking about other things. Sometimes its when I'm in the shower rushing to get ready for work or on auto-pilot driving down a familiar stretch of highway. Last week it was at 3am while I was half-conscious feeding baby girl. I was practically drooling on myself for lack of sleep, just staring at her bottle, watching the formula move down the side as she drank... when I had one of those thoughts that seem to come from nowhere.

You need to start looking at her like she's a regular little girl..not like she's a time bomb.

Whatever else it did- it woke me up.  What? Where did that come from? Sure, I had been worried about all the various aspects of hydrocephalus and had questions aplenty about her upcoming urinary analysis appointment, but a time bomb? Really? Was that how I was seeing  her?  I stared down into her half shut eyes, all drowsy with a full belly, and realized that yes, indeed, I was waiting on the next scary thing to happen and kick up mushroom clouds all around her. At the same moment, I felt a wave of peace sweep over me that maybe somehow, she was just a regular little girl. That it was safe to expect a life full of and focused on ordinary but precious moments like this where we just stare at each other, fighting sleep and feeling the love. If only I would choose to see it that way.

Ok. So, God is smart. I finished feeding her, burped her, put her back to bed and made a decision. No more waiting on the "to shunt or not to shunt" question to resolve its self. I wanted to schedule my daughter's baby dedication. So I did. Without any answers on the shunt issue- and it turned out ok. No time bomb boom. Just a pretty little girl in a white dedication dress. I have learned a valuable mommy lesson. She IS just a regular little girl. I can't let myself be blinded by all the "extras" that questions, appointments, and waiting brings. I can't constantly keep treating her like something drastically awful is going to happen to her the moment my back is turned. If I treat her like she's just my little girl, we will both be better off for it. I will have more peace and she won't have an example of fear to learn from.

I have to let God have the worries. I mean, that's a good deal, right? He gets the worries, I get the baby! Not too shabby an arrangement at all!

And besides, she is doing GREAT! Her orthopedic appointment was all aces. They don't want to see her for another 6 months. She doesn't need braces of any kind and he thinks she will likely not need them to walk in the future. He is pleased with her bones and muscle tone. I think that's just awesome. I continue to be amazed by what she can do. By what God has helped her be able to do. Those big hands of His protected her back, just like He said they would. She is and will forever be my little "good news" baby!